Friday 15 February 2008

THE ART OF SAYING “NO”

Saying “No” is an art according to me. It is not only a harsh/hurting word but also a really difficult one to say as it sounds cold-blooded. Yet, one has to say “No” when he/she doesn’t want to say “Yes”. In my personal life, I am an equally timid soul. I feel self-pity that I have no courage to say “No” for unreasonable requests. For instance, when I am at my department, I simply join anyone who approaches me for having a cup of tea or just for pastime. Not always, but many a times, I felt like saying “No” but failed. This attitude of I has not only affected my personal hygiene (me becoming a jumbo) but also my precious time. By the time, when I realized this, it’s too late.
It was a self-mistake that, I had always feared of losing friends and people around me if I don’t attend to their unreasonable requests thinking, “If I refuse to do that, they won’t like me or they will go mad at me”. Thus, since years, I had been a victim of unassertiveness. As a result, I have learned to act in inferior ways by masking my own strengths making me inferior. I found it extremely impossible to express my emotions like anger or tenderness and hence forth, kowtowing to others wishes and holding my own desires inside made myself possess no control on/over my (own) life. It’s as similar as the situation of hero Siddhartha in the movie titled, “Bommarillu”. Many a times I found it difficult to express my feelings and instead saying “I don’t like what you did/said”, said, “I like what you did/said”.
I know this is the case with many, but, can’t we get over it? Yes, I think, we can! To do so, what I found in my study/research on this topic is, to develop assertiveness by keeping a self-watch. I know it hurts others when we say a “No”, but, at the same time, if we don’t say no at the right time/moment, it leads us into activities we don’t respect ourselves for doing. As I already said, if you can’t state this simple two-letter word when you want to say it, you begin to lose control on your own life. Though I haven’t learned it so far, (Though, Dr. Johnson says to learn from the past in his book, “The Present”) still, I suggest one and all not to get into troubles by saying “YES” when you wanted to say “NO” and hope you people will not behave as dumbo as I.
In conclusion, I didn’t mean saying no to everything. You say yes when you want to give an affirmative response. If doing a favor for a friend or participating in a social event may inconvenience to you, there is still nothing wrong with saying yes if you feel the matter important enough to undergo discommodity for the sake of the friend or activity. Saying yes becomes wrong when you want to say no and it is in your best interest to say no, but instead, you end up with a feeble “OK, I will do it.”

Thanks and Regards,

Srikanth Chintakindi.

2 comments:

expressionsunlimited said...

Hi srikkanth, good topic to raise ,yeah it is not that much easy to say no to some one easily but what i feel is before saying no abruptly, if we thinka sec then say s r no that would be more effective.To quote in your own example say if some one asks for a tea if u jus think whether u had an idea of having a T if yes u can just prepone it, in that way u won't loose their frndship r u need not listen shoutings frm them and u'll have ur work done.

Anonymous said...

I always inspired by you, your views and attitude, again, thanks for this nice post.

- Thomas